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<title>Of Hate by ninetyminutes</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543634">Of Hate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninetyminutes/pseuds/ninetyminutes'>ninetyminutes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Football RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, POV Second Person, Short One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:27:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninetyminutes/pseuds/ninetyminutes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kai smiles and Julian muses about their feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julian Brandt/Kai Havertz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of Hate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I can sense that you are looking at me from across the training ground, green eyes fixated on my face. Eyes that I am sometimes afraid are able to look right through me and directly into my soul.</p>
<p>When I look back, you smile that special smile of yours that makes my heart flutter even after years of knowing you. I'm wondering if you smile that way at other people too. You are charming like that. Make it easy for people to fall in love with you. </p>
<p>Sometimes, it makes me hate you a little.</p>
<p>Generally, I hate you sometimes. Not for who you are, I could never hate you for being you, but for the things you make me feel, because you make me feel all sorts of things, some of which I would rather not feel ever again. Because they make me vulnerable, frail, dizzy. </p>
<p>Because you are able to tilt the world and bring everything out of balance. Or my world, at least.</p>
<p>Then again, I'm not exactly trying to stop you either. Sometimes I'm asking myself if me stopping you is what you would prefer. We both know that this has gotten far more intimate than you ever wanted it to be, after all. </p>
<p><i>What are we doing here?</i>,  you had whispered the first time, despite knowing the answer. It had only been weeks after your breakup with Sophia, both of us relaxing at my place, only that we weren't so relaxed after all because after a few beers my hand had come to rest on your leg and you had started to lean in and the air had become thick between us, full of unspoken words and unspoken feelings, until we finally crossed the line. <i>It's a one time thing</i>, you had said afterwards. We've done it again and again since then, so many last times. </p>
<p>Perhaps we're both weak. It's a dizzying thought that you might be just as vulnearable to me as I am to you. </p>
<p>That maybe I make you hate me a little as well.</p>
<p>But you cannot believe that you can just unconsciously bite your lip when you are concentrating on tactics and make me not want to kiss you right then and there. Or that you can just rest your head on my shoulder, tired after a game when we're sitting in the bus on our way home, and have me not aching to wrap my arms around you in response.</p>
<p>You cannot possibly believe that you can smile at me like that and have me not falling for you a little more.</p>
<p>(Because at the end of the day, if I'm being honest with you, if we're being honest with each other - It's not really <i>hate</i> at all, is it?)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so here's the thing, i'll be having this really important oral exam tomorrow morning and i'm an absolute wreck of nerves, so i coped by writing <strike>instead of going through my notes</strike>, as you do. i wrote this in like 10 minutes and it's neither really flashed out or feels actually complete nor is it written in my usual writing style (then again when writing in english i don't think i even have a specific style, but still, second person pov is not something i usually enjoy). and yet it just - happened. and got turned into bravertz just because. so..yeah. maybe you still got a little enjoyment out of this little something haha. thank you for reading 💛</p></blockquote></div></div>
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